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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113201">🧛♂️Well...Isn't This Just a Fine Mess!🧛♀️</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/readercat/pseuds/readercat'>readercat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glass (2019), Split (2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:09:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/readercat/pseuds/readercat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry is bitten by a vampire, causing problems for everyone, especially Kevin.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Well...isn't this just a fine mess you've gotten us into!" This from Orwell.</p>
<p>"What's the matter, Barry? You decide Kevin was gettin' too well-adjusted and he needed a new challenge in life?" This from Dennis.</p>
<p>"Yeah, ya sure as shit went and fucked us all good and hard this time!" This from Jade (in case you didn't guess).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"HOW was I supposed to know?!!" Barry snaps, petulantly. "It's not like I was expecting him to be a vampire!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Perhaps," Patricia says, cuttingly, "if you'd been paying attention to his FANGS instead of his FLY you might have noticed that there was something...unusual about him. Just saying..."</p>
<p>"Oh, fuck off, you old bitch!" Barry goes stomping off to his chair, in a snit. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The rest of the others gather 'round the circle for a meeting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oh, wow! I have FANGS!!! COOOOL!!!"</p>
<p>"Yes, Hedwig, you have fangs. I have fangs. We ALL have fangs. Courtesy of Mr. Barry, who will get a foot broken off in his ass if he gives me the finger again," Dennis says, patting Hedwig on the head, while giving Barry a don't-fuck-with-me-right-now smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I TOLD you I didn't know! It's not like I did this on purpose! How many of you would have expected to run into a real-life VAMPIRE! And it's OCTOBER for fuck's sake! People are running around in costumes. Even if i saw fangs I'd just think they were fake. Right?!" He turns to Patricia, asking: "Right?"</p>
<p>He can tell that it's killing the dried-up old hag's equally-dessicated soul, but she's finally forced to concede. "I suppose."  He tries not to let his triumph show too much.</p>
<p>"Of course, if you were capable of keeping your trousers on, and your...perversions...in check, it wouldn't be an issue either...but that's neither here nor there i suppose..."</p>
<p>Barry nearly pops a blood vessel.  "You freeze-dried old bag of bones! Not that I expect you to understand, being that I don't think you're human, but most of us actually enjoy sex. It may be perverted--and it’s actually more fun that way--but it ain't a perversion. Honey."</p>
<p>Patricia glares at him haughtily, huffs, then turns her back to him, sitting ramrod straight. A clear indication that he won the that little throw-down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So...what do we do now?" Dennis asks, getting back to their discussion now that the show is over.</p>
<p>"Well...considering that we all have fangs, I'm guessing that this 'condition' affects us all," Orwell says, "but we will need to experiment with our limitations: find out what we can and can't do."</p>
<p>"What about food?" Jade wants to know."That's the big question. Can we still eat regular food or is just gonna be a 'liquid diet' from here on out? Is it going to affect my diabetes? Do I still need to take my shots?" </p>
<p>"I think we sh--OOWWW!!!!DAMMNNN!!--Hedwig!!! What the FU--</p>
<p>"I BIT YOU, Mr. Barry! I'm a vampire now and Miss Patricia said that i should practice biting."</p>
<p>Barry looks over at Patricia, who is sitting ladylike with her hands folded in her lap, a beatific smile on her face, and a fuck-you-Barry look in her eyes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Did I do a good job Mr. Barry?" Hedwig is asking anxiously.  "I got fangs like the Beast now so I gotta make sure I bite good. Ya know. So I make him proud."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah, Hedwig. You bite real good! Almost bit my hand off. Gotta be careful with those teeth. The Beast will be real proud, though--you were downright vicious." Barry pats him on the head and tells him to go play. It's not Hedwig's fault that Patricia is a miserable old bitch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So...any new developments while Hedwig was tricked into gnawing my hand off?" Barry asks.</p>
<p>"Not really," says Dennis.</p>
<p>"Has Kevin stirred from his unholy slumber?"</p>
<p>"Not yet. As near as we can tell, it's still daylight," Orwell says.</p>
<p>"Well...that's something." Barry says. "We can at least function in here during daylight even if the body can't go anywhere."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Patricia pipes up, "I've been thinking, but perhaps because of The Beast's extraordinary abilities, we didn't turn all the way."</p>
<p>Barry looks at her like he's about to have a bout of explosive diarrhea, but has to admit, "As much as it pains me to say it, the flea-bitten old slag may be onto something. We'll just have to hang tight until Kevin wakes up."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. What Have You Done?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barry and Patricia fight. Kevin wakes from his 'unholy slumber'. Barry has some 'splaining to do.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Do you know what this is?" Patricia hisses, throwing down a gnawed up leather shoe on the table in front of Barry.</p><p>Barry puts down his magazines, looks at the item curiously, smiles up at her and shrugs. "I dunno. A piece of your dried up old skin that finally fell off?"</p><p>"I found Hedwig in my closet chewing on all of my shoes! He said that YOU told him to!"</p><p>"If you recall, YOU are the one who told him he needed to 'practice biting'. I merely suggested leather would be better than skin because it was tougher. I didn’t tell him to chew on your shoes. I may have mentioned that you have more shoes than anyone else so you could stand to lose a few..."</p><p>She whacks him with the shoe.  "You hot to trot little tramp!"</p><p>"You dried up old hag!"</p><p> </p><p>"Ahem...if you two can cease with the foreplay, we need to--"</p><p>"--FUCK OFF, ORWELL!!!--"</p><p>"Well. I believe that was a little uncalled for," Orwell says, understandably a little miffed, while Barry and Patricia ignore him and continue fighting.</p><p>"...hair like a witch's..."</p><p>"Let me handle this," Jade says, patting Orwell's arm.</p><p>""...mincing little trollop!"</p><p>Jade clears clears her throat and takes a deep breath.</p><p>"...sock in your underpants..."</p><p>"Oh, no! Oh, no!! Don't you EVEN go there you old walking corp--"</p><p>Jade bellows: "YO, BITCHES!!! SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' PIE-HOLES OR DENNIS IS GONNA WIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOUR SORRY ASSES!!!"</p><p> </p><p>Silence. Jade smiles.</p><p> </p><p>"Now you two assholes need to apologize to Orwell so he can get on with telling us what he needs to tell us. Don't they, Dennis?"</p><p>"Yes, they do." Dennis stands behind them, arms crossed, muscles bulging, looking like he could crush boulders with his bare hands. He smiles a smile that could make serial killers whimper--the fangs a terrifying new element.</p><p>Patricia and Barry side-eye each other (gazes promising retribution), but they fear Dennis's wrath more than they hate each other, so heads hanging, they mutter their apologies to Orwell and slink over to their respective chairs to sulk.</p><p> </p><p>Orwell begins pacing. "It's almost sundown, so Kevin should be waking up soon. Do we tell him what's happened or let him find out on his own?"</p><p>"What do you mean?" Dennis asks. "Seems like we should help him out as much as possible. Ya know. Seeing as how we got him into this mess". He side-eyes Barry, who hisses at him and gives him the finger.</p><p>"Oh, I agree with helping him out as much as we can." He also gives Barry a 'look' and gets hissed at. "I just mean, I guess I mean how much autonomy do we want to give him? Do we want him to figure it on his own like we did or gently walk him through it?</p><p>"In other words, you want to make sure he gets through this without the cheese sliding off his cracker?"</p><p>Orwell sighs, put-upon. "Yes, Jade. A ham-handed analogy, but yes."</p><p>"Anything I can do to help."</p><p>"Of course. Anyway, as Patricia brought up earlier, we may have some immunity to this 'condition' because of our, or rather The Beast's, abilities. So we will have to keep a close eye on that."</p><p>Jade asks again, "What do we do about food? I mean keeping Kevin fed?" She rolls her eyes, "It was bad enough when The Beast needed to be fed with the 'Impure'. I'm not sure I can handle finding 'victims' to feed to Kevin. I mean if we have to kill people. How will that affect my diabetes?"</p><p>"He'll be waking up any time now. Let's just hang near the light and be ready for when he needs us," Dennis says. "Though I think Barry should be the one to explain this mess to him."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The sun goes down. Kevin's eyes pop open.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, god. What in the hell did i do last night?!"</p><p>He knows that either Barry or Jade was fronting last night because he's hung-over and naked. His head is pounding and he thinks something  has died in his mouth. "God, that's nasty!" He also feels strangely weak. He pats around searching for the lamp switch. When he turns the light on he hisses and throws his hand over his eyes. "FUCK!" The light sears his eyes and burns like fire.</p><p>"What in the hell?!"</p><p>Thankfully, shortly after the initial flare of pain, the burning in his eyes is easing up and he can see a little now. "I can't believe I slept the whole day away," he says, still wondering what died in his mouth. "Man, I gotta brush my teeth."</p><p> </p><p>He shuffles to the bathroom, yawning and scratching his butt. He pees. He washes his face. He brushes his tee--</p><p>"BARRY!!!"</p><p>"What have you done?!" Kevin hisses.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Well, Barry, looks like SHOWTIME!!!" Jade shouts. </p><p>"I really do hate you people sometimes..."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"So...," looking at his reflection and gingerly poking at a fang, Kevin says to Barry, "let me get this straight. You hooked up with some random dude and he turned out to be a vampire--which you completely failed to notice. Then he bit you--though it was my body--and somehow turned us ALL into vampires."</p><p>"That's pretty much the gist of it," Barry says, sheepishly.</p><p>"Do you hate me?"</p><p>"No! Of course not! Why?"</p><p>"Oh, I dunno. Vampire...?"</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>Kevin examines his fangs again. "So everyone has these?" He touches a fang.</p><p>"Yep. So far. Everyone we've talked to, anyway."</p><p>"What do you know about this 'condition' so far?" Kevin asks, checking out his fangs again in the mirror.</p><p> </p><p>"Not more that what I've told you, except that we seem to be able to function while you sleep," Barry says. "Or at least while your body sleeps. I'm not sure about you specifically. You were out like a light. Might have just been tired. Don't know yet."</p><p>"What about blood?"</p><p>"Have you experienced any unholy thirst?"</p><p>Kevin looks thoughtful. "No. I haven't experienced any hunger or thirst at all. I just had this nasty taste in my mouth..."</p><p>"Er..."</p><p>I takes Kevin a few seconds to catch on. "Aw, man! You asshole!</p><p>"Excuse me. I was drunk!</p><p>"Fucker!"</p><p>"I. Was. Drunk. Anyway, Orwell says we'll have to experiment with our limitations to see what we can and can't do, because as much as it pains me to say it, that petrified old skeleton, Patricia, thinks that we may have some level of natural immunity due to our abilities. Not perfect, obviously, but perhaps enough to keep us from going completely to the dark side."</p><p>"I think you already went there," Kevin says, snidely.</p><p>"You're not going to let that rest are you?"</p><p>"Frankly, I'd preferred to have never known. Finding out that I'm a vampire was less traumatizing."</p><p>"Then quit bringing it up. We'll agree to never mention or allude to it again. For the mental health of us both."</p><p>"Agreed. Ya know. I think I need a nap. This is a lot to take in. I think I just need to process everything. Let me know if there are any new developments. "</p><p>"I will. I'll  let everyone know that you know what's going on and that, as Jade so eloquently put it, the cheese hasn't slid off your cracker."</p><p>Barry pauses, then adds:</p><p>"For what it's worth, Kevin, I am sorry for getting you into this mess. But you're not alone. We're all here with you even if it doesn't seem like much. You know where to find us if you need us."</p><p>"I know. And thanks."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. I Think We're In A Bit Of A Thituation Here...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Everyone waits for the other shoe to drop, or as Jade put it, to see if the cheese slides off Kevin's cracker once the news sinks in...</p><p>If only it was that simple.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"That went surprisingly well," Barry announces, upon his return. "Kevin was a little upset, but I apologized to him and he was cool. I mean, he's not thrilled obviously, but otherwise, he didn't have a meltdown or, worse, turn evil--no apparent bloodlust or anything. He just said he needed to take a nap so he could process things." He flops down in his chair and props his feet up. "He'll call if he needs us."</p><p> </p><p>Everyone looks at him like he's stupid. "What?" he asks.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you fucking stupid?!" Jade yells. "You just left him by himself?"</p><p> </p><p>"How can I leave him by himself, dumbass? I'm right here!" He waves his hand around, indicating the chair room.</p><p> </p><p>"You know what I mean!" Jade smacks the back of his head. "He's in shock! <em>That's<em> why he was so calm, you idiot!" She points over at Kevin's chair, where Kevin lay in a sprawled out heap, restlessly 'sleeping', an anxious frown creasing his brow.</em></em></p><p> </p><p>"Oh."</p><p> </p><p>"We have to wake him up and make sure he understands what's happened to him--to us..." Orwell says. "We can't have him wake up while we're not watching him and have him go drain someone dry or walk out in the sun and self-immolate or something awful like that. We need to find out what we're capable of doing and how to stay safe and to not hurt anyone."</p><p> </p><p>Even as they talk amongst themselves, Kevin yawns and stretches. His eyes open, and instead of the lovely ocean blue they're used to, or even the impenetrable darkness of the Beast's, his eyes are a now a luminous, crystalline blue.</p><p> </p><p>A hush falls over the inhabitants of the chair room at the terrifying sight of Kevin turning into someone that they don't know. His eyes are now glowing, and soon, the entire room is eerily awash in the dim blue light cast from his eyes.</p><p>"Oh thit!" Hedwig whispers, eyes wide as a saucers. "That don’t look too good."</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively, everyone hides behind Dennis.</p><p> </p><p>"Why are <em>you<em> hiding from him?" Barry whispers to Patricia. "You don't have any bloo--OW! YOU BIT ME!!!"</em></em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em><em>"--BE QUIET, BARRY!!!--"</em> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <em>They watch through Kevin's eyes as he walks through his room to the mirror and he examines his face--he sees the unearthly-looking, glowing eyes...the elongating fangs and he smiles. </em></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <em>They all double over as excruciating hunger pangs strike them all at once, and they all feel their own fangs elongating.</em> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <em>"Oh, bother," Orwell says, wretchedly. "I think we're in a bit of a thituation here."</em>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A bit later...</p><p>"Why do get the unthettling feeling that Kevin's about to "order 'Chinese' or 'Italian' for dinner"?" Jade asks, making finger quotes.</p><p> </p><p>"Probably because he's thumbing through the Yellow Pages, geniuth...OW!!" Barry hisses at Jade and rubs his arm where she punched him.</p><p> </p><p>"Mind your mannerth," Patricia says, primly. "Just because thith ith your fault doesn't mean you should make everyone thuffer for it. Trollop."</p><p> </p><p>"You're a fine one talk about mannerth after you fucking BIT me, you mummified corpth!! Well, why don't you bite my ath!!" </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, why does everyone thound like me?" Hedwig asks, looking at everyone suspiciously. "Are you all making fun of me?" He looks like he's getting ready to cry.</p><p> </p><p>Dennis puts his arm around Hedwig's shoulders and hugs him. "No, Hedwig. No one's making fun of you. It'th the fangs making uth all talk like thith. When they were small, it wasn’t a problem. But when they got longer, they got in the way and made it harder for uth to talk because we're not uthed to them."</p><p>"Really?" Hedwig looks up at Dennis hopefully. He practically worships Mr. Dennis, so he's willing to believe almost anything Dennis tells him. "You promith? Pinky swear?"</p><p>"I promith."</p><p>Dennis pinky swears.</p><p>Hedwig looks around the chair room and sees Barry make a cross over his heart. Jade raises her hand to God. Patricia nods solemnly. Orwell makes the sign for Scouts Honor (Hedwig doesn't know what it is, but in the instinctual way of children, knows it carries great import). He doesn't really care too much about the others, except for the Beast, but Hedwig knows he's sleeping in the Train Yard right now and would never make fun of him, anyway. "Ok. I believe you."</p><p>Suddenly all of them double over again as they are once again hit with maddening hunger pangs. They look at each other in alarm when Kevin rips a page out of the phone book and picks up the phone.</p><p>"Oh, thit," Jade says, starting to panic. "He's doing it! He's doing it! He gonna noth on some poor bastard! We gotta thop him!"</p><p>"Bother," Orwell says. Trying valiantly to keep their spirits up, he continues, "We do have a bit a thituation on our hands, but in the fath of adverthity we must keep a thiff upper lip."</p><p> </p><p>"Well, the ginormouth fangs should help just fine with that."</p><p> </p><p>Orwell, sighs in defeat and rubs his temples. "Barry, thut the fuck up."</p><p>"I'm hungry!" Hedwig whines. </p><p> </p><p>TBC...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Anticlimactic, Superfantastic, Kevin's the Bomb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin orders dinner and gets it delivered.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How are we gonna thop him?! We can't let him dine down on thombody!"</p><p>"Calm down, Jade. He hathn't done anything yet. Give him a chanth," Barry says.</p><p>"'...'Hathn't done anything yet'...," Jade side-eyes Barry. "He's getting ready to order 'take-out'," she yells, making finger quotes again.</p><p>"Be quiet tho we can listen!" Orwell snaps.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Hello, This is the Steak Shack. Can I help you?"</em>
</p><p>"Do you deliver?" Kevin asks.</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, we do."</em>
</p><p>"Do you take cash on delivery?"</p><p>
  <em>"Well...no."</em>
</p><p>The alters are shocked to hear Kevin's usual soft, halting voice drop to a confident, seductive purr.</p><p>"What can I do to get you to deliver and take cash? See...I'm in a bit of a spot. I'm in town for work and I don't know my way around. My card isn't working and all I've got on me is cash. I would be <em>so, so</em> grateful if you could help me out."</p><p>The waiteress giggles and says,<em>"I'll probably catch hell from my boss for this, but I'll go ahead and take your order. What would you like...Sir?"</em> She giggles again.</p><p>"I just want two of your biggest steaks, rare."</p><p>
  <em>"What sides would you like?"</em>
</p><p>"No sides. Just the steaks. Oh, and a bottle of water."</p><p>
  <em>"Um...well...ok, then. Two 32 oz. Sirloins, rare. And a bottle of water." Her voice turns coy, "Just one bottle bottle of water?"</em>
</p><p>Kevin purrs, "Just one."</p><p><em>"Well," the waitress says, sounding like she can't breathe properly, "That'll be $50. Where do I need to bring the food?"</em>
</p><p>Kevin gives her his address and just before he hangs up Kevin adds, a sultry, "Oh, and can I talk you into stopping by Starbucks and picking up a venti white chocolate mocha, no whip? I'll make it worth your while."</p><p>The waitress giggles again and tell Kevin, <em>"I'll be there in about an hour...Sir."</em></p><p> </p><p>The alters are all standing there with their mouths hanging open. </p><p> </p><p>Jade is the first to speak.</p><p>"Huh. Well, that was very interesting, though a bit anti-climactic. I'm still not entirely thure if I trust him to not 'dine-out' on the first perthon he thees."</p><p>"I told you to give him a chanth. If worth comes to wortht, and he dethides to go full-tilt, we'll dog-pile on him and take over. We've done it before when things have gone thideways, we can do it again.</p><p>"As much ath I hate to thay it, Barry's got a point." Orwell says.</p><p>"Um...how's he gonna explain the eyes and fangs to the delivery perthon?" Dennis asks.</p><p>"Oh, yeah. That might leave an imprethon," Barry concedes.</p><p>"<em>You</em> didn't seem to notith, Barry," says Patricia says snidely.</p><p>"Oh, fuck you people! You're never going to let me live thith down are you?"</p><p>"No." Dennis gives him a disturbingly fangy grin. "And now we have all of eternity to torture you about it."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm thill hungry!" Hedwig whines.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kevin watches a little TV (Supernatural, ironically enough) while he waits for the food to be delivered. In the reflection of the screen, he can see his eyes are still glowing and his fangs are protruding over his lower lip. "How am I going to explain this to the delivery girl? I don't even have enough money to pay for the food!"</p><p> </p><p>He runs his hands through his hair. "What was I thinking?!" A rhetorical question if there ever was one. He knows <em>exactly</em> what he was thinking. He was thinking that he was starving and that something he shouldn't be wanting sounds delicious and he's really, <em>really</em> hoping that those raw, bloody steaks he ordered will take the edge off. Because if they don't, he's in trouble.</p><p>Or, worse, the delivery driver is.</p><p>Kevin decides to put a fail-safe in place. He calls a meeting with his alters.</p><p>"So...," he begins, then notices them all eyeing him warily. "Stop looking at me like that! I'm not going to do anything!"</p><p>"You look a little scary Mr. Kevin. You look almost ath scary ath The Beast right now, and <em>he's</em> scarier than <em>anyone</em>, etcetera."</p><p><em>"Yeah, almost ath scary ath Patricia in her nightg--OWn!!"</em> Barry hisses and rubs his arm, where he just got pinched.</p><p> </p><p>"ANYWAY!" Kevin huffs, rolling his eyes at them. "Anyway, I'm asking you to keep an eye on me while my food is being delivered so that I don't attack the delivery girl. I don't know if you're feeling what I'm feeling, hunger-wise, but if you don't think you can stop me if I get chompy, let me know now. I'm hoping the steaks will help satisfy me...us."</p><p> </p><p>Jade answers for all of them. "I think we can handle it. We've had some hunger pangs--Hedwig's theems to have had the worst of it--but nothing miserable. The worst hath been trying to talk around the fangs after they got bigger."</p><p>"You can count on uth," Dennis tells him.</p><p> </p><p>Kevin opens his eyes when he hears someone knocking on the door to his hotel room.</p><p>Kevin looks through the peephole, sees the delivery girl, and opens the door.</p><p> </p><p>"Hello..." he says. His mouth starts to water when he sees her pulse beating at her neck.</p><p><em>"Oh. My. God."</em> She just stares at him.</p><p>"Are those the steaks?" He asks.</p><p>"Oh. My. God." She continues to stare.</p><p>"Uh...Are you ok?" He asks, starting to worry.</p><p>"I knew you'd be hot, but...<em>damn</em>." </p><p>"Um...did you get my mocha?" He's getting a little creeped out, as she continues to stare at him.</p><p>"Yeah," she breathes out, still staring, but now grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Oh, I got it." She sets the steaks down and runs out the door, calling, "Don't go anywhere! I'll be right back!"</p><p> </p><p>"That was weird." Kevin is relieved that she's gone and to find that the steaks smell really, really good.</p><p>Barry is laughing so hard he's crying. "Dude, I don't think you're going to have to worry about paying for those steaks, unless you just want to!"</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"That chick is into you, man! Thee ran down to grab your coffee and put on some makeup or thomething. Thee wants thome of that smokin' hot body, dude."</p><p>"Oh." Kevin's not sure how he feels about that. She's kind of creepy, with all of the staring.</p><p>"Hurry and eat thome of that steak so you don't kill her when she gets back and tho these fucking fangs hopefully retract and we can all thop thounding like this."</p><p>"I think you sound adorable."</p><p>Barry hisses at him and gives him the finger.</p><p> </p><p>When the delivery girl goes to leave, Kevin stops her and says, "I feel really bad about doing this, and really stupid saying this (he feels his face turning red) but, 'Look into my eyes' ". </p><p>The delivery girl looks into his eyes and her face goes blank. He tells her:  "Forget you ever saw me, forget about this order, about coming here, forget everything about this, about ever meeting me. I know you're going to get in trouble at work and I wish it didn't have to be this way. I really <em>am</em> sorry."  He gives her a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Wait half an hour, then go home and get some sleep."</p><p>Then he picks up his duffelbag, his leftover food and walks out the door, comforting himself with the fact that at least he didn’t sleep with her (in spite of Barry's encouragement) or feed off of her.</p><p>In the chair room, his alters stand in awe, watching in pride as Kevin passes this hurdle mostly on his own. </p><p>"Our dear boy!" Patricia says, dabbing at her eyes.</p><p>Miracle of miracles, Barry smiles and nods in agreement, unable to come up with a decent retort.</p>
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